Unpopular Opinion: Shit that sucks about the holidays

Let me preface this post with this: as much as I despise the winter, Christmas time is my FAVORITE EVER. I love giving gifts, the decorations, cookies, the chaos – I LOVE IT SO MUCH. But the holiday season isn’t all fun and candy canes. There are some things about the holidays that I pray will end every single day; shit that doesn’t happen any other time of year that brings me to a deep, dark place.  I know I can’t be the only one who feels this way either.

Things that just absolutely suck about the holiday season:

  1. Wrapping gifts
    Hear me out – the actual process of wrapping presents is the WORST. Barely anything I buy fits in a perfect little box, AND IF IT DOES – the wrapping paper is cut up in the worst way at that point.  And unless you have one of those fancy tape dispensers, you’re basically going to end up with scotch tape all over you and presents that looked like your dog wrapped them.  Gift bags are the lazy person’s way out, and I take that route EVERY YEAR.
  2. Crowds
    I could be extra sensitive to this because I work in Times Square, aka the center of hell, but like. WHERE DID ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?! Do they hibernate and just come out during the busiest time of the year to wreak havoc on already heavily popular areas? All of this also applies to the mall btw. Any. Mall. Ever.  I go to the mall every weekend and its never even close to this apocalyptic hellscape it is during December. Online shopping is a thing, people. If you don’t understand basic principles such as walking, please take advantage.
  3. Tourists. Everywhere.
    Listen, I understand what city I live in, and yes, it is the greatest city in the world. But can we all act like we have seen a tall building before? And not stand in the middle of the sidewalk? And know what you want at Starbucks after waiting on a 10 minute line? AMAZING. I’m not asking too much here.
  4. So. Much. Family. Time.
    Listen, if your family is like mine, Christmas is basically a month long activity. Like, non stop.  I’m not sure if its an Italian American thing or what, but from Thanksgiving – December 25th, I see my extended family CONSTANTLY.  While I love them dearly, it is exhausting at times. I know I sound like a scrooge here, but make sure you are practicing self care to reduce family drama.
  5. Mall Santa is creepy
    Along the same lines as the Easter bunny, this is just uncomfortable. We force the kids to sit on a stranger’s lap and wonder why they cry.  Its literally the opposite of what stranger danger is.  I say keep Santa a mystery, and absolutely keep him from smelling like cigs and whiskey. Nix the mall Santa and subsequently traumatizing your child and subjecting holiday shoppers to their shrill screams. Although, keep up the coordinating outfits for holiday pictures because that shit is cute as hell.

Ok that’s actually all I got.  What irks you about the holiday season? Sound off in the comments!

Unpopular Opinion: Halloween sucks

As my previous unpopular opinion post was about how much I hate the fall, this really shouldn’t come as a surprise. The fall gives me PTSD for unknown reasons, and the changing of the leaves makes me angry to my core. For a November baby, I’ve just never been a fan of the season. This includes Halloween. In fact, my hatred for the season has a lot to do with Halloween. I basically pray all October for it to be over and my least favorite holiday to come to an end. It’s two fold – I hate the holiday with every fiber of my being, but also November 1st officially starts Christmas season. Yes, I am part of the Christmas creep problem. And I will wear that like a damn badge of honor.

But really, especially as an adult, Halloween isn’t that great. There’s a lot of downsides to it, despite the ever present abundance of candy. Here are some of the main reasons Halloween is a garbage holiday.

Orange is no one’s color

“Whoever said orange is the new pink is seriously disturbed” – Elle Woods, my lord and savior.

Seriously though, why is EVERYTHING ORANGE?! Literally everything you know and love turns orange in the month of October. It’s not a cute color, and it needs to stop. It’s obnoxious and not in a good way.

Everything is unnecessarily horrible colors

While we are on the subject of orange being no one’s color, its like, October 1st hits and BAM! Everything is orange.  Ev.er.y.thing. is. Orange. And green. And purple.  And puke colored green. This mainly goes for things that should NEVER be that color, ever.

Take this zombie Frappucino from my usual house of worship, Starbucks. Its bright green, and uglyyyy. I am sure it tastes fine, but WHY DO WE NEED THIS?! And the whipped cream. I love the color pink, but I don’t want to drink something that color.  And I am farrrrr from someone who eats all natural shit, trust me.

Candy from strangers is a good thing?

Listen. The state of the world is strange. The movie IT made a comeback. Last year there were clowns trying to coax kids into the woods. We really want to send the kids out to people’s houses for candy in 2017? Not to mention everyone is on the organic kick and I don’t think snickers meets that requirement. Let’s take a year off this tradition, shall we? Kind of like when NJ cancelled Halloween. Yea. That happened. Google it. It was a nightmare.

Also this was confirmed to be fake but is also WHAT MY NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF. SALAD?! NO THANKS.

The god damn revealing costumes for women

Listen, I obviously subscribe to the Mean Girls theory of Halloween being the one time of year you can dress however you want and no one can say shit to you, because its a costume. But I literally JUST STARTED working on my winter bod, and now you want me to wear a costume that is basically a bathing suit? NAH BRO. Not gonna happen.  Plus, regardless of whatever Indian Summer we may be having in the northeast, it is ALWAYS FREEZING Halloween weekend.  Its like mother nature knows, and wants us to suffer.

Listen, I could go on and on, but at this point it’s just making me more angry. Also hate Halloween? Let me know in the comments. I’ll be back Wednesday when I magically find my will to live again on November 1st.

Spoiler Alert: October already sucks

Taking a break from our regularly scheduled trend Tuesday for some sanity saving advice.*

LITERALLY 10 days in and this month is GARBAGE. Its cold, there was a horrific attack in Las Vegas, and Tom Petty died of a heart attack. Mind you, all of this occurred within less than 48 hours. 2017 keeps topping 2016 in the how to suck the most contest, and we have 3 more months to go, space cadets.  WHAT THE HELL.

Listen, politics aside, putting the news on lately for me has been emotionally draining.  I can’t watch it for more than 5 minutes without wanting to punch a wall or burst into tears.  Mother nature is trying to destroy us, and is taking no prisoners.  I am sure quite a few of you are feeling the same way, and tha’ts ok.  What is not ok, is not taking care of yourself. Here’s some ways I’m unwinding and dealing with the crap shoot that is life in America currently.

Unplug.

Get. Off. Social. Media.  Take a break. Look around. Listen to me, I’m a millennial and my phone is permanently attached to my hand. But sometimes disconnecting is a good thing. I have been following my own advice here because it took me LITERALLY DAYS to write this post. I needed a break, and that’s ok.

Exercise.

A wise, wise woman once said “exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t kill their husbands.  They just don’t.” Even if exercise doesn’t bring you to a euphoric, happy place, it is still a nice distraction from the hell that is reality.  Also, working out means you can eat more. Wins all around.

Treat yo’ self.

Far be it from me to tell someone not to treat yourself, for any reason.  But hey – whether its a nice meal, jewelry, clothes, a vacation, buying something will make you feel better. So long as you don’t think about the money exchange involved. Or, if you’re broke like me, a binge of some Bravo show will do.

 
Take care of your skin and shit. 

Nothing is better than an at home spa night. No awkward small talk and you don’t need to put pants on to leave. You can’t lose. Here’s some products I use to treat m’self.


Masks – Mask of Magnaminty by Lush and green clay mask by Sephora. Mask of magnaminty literally smells like mint chocolate chip ice cream. It’s heaven. And makes your skin amazing. The Sephora one is bomb too – I love all the Sephora brand masks but have been loving this clay mask lately. I also prefer the clay masks over the sheet masks. They tend to cover more and do a better job. My skin sucks, so this helps.

Bath bomb – Frozen by Lush. It’s no secret that Lush is known for their bath bombs. I have used a few and have no complaints. Literally fill up the tub, drop it in, and put that shit on your insta story. They smell great and are also great for your skin. I just try to stay clear of the glitter ones because I don’t want to look like Tinkerbell for days on end.

Candle – Oceanside by Bath and Body works. I’m personally partial to ocean and tropical smelling candles, because I am not made for winter. Candles seem to have a calming force and also don’t need to cost an arm and a leg.

Essential oil – Balance by Aromatherapy Blends. It’s got a nice orange/lavender scent and also calms me. See a trend here? I work in NYC, I need a lot of shit that brings me down to earth. I put a few drops on my pillow only my wrists and just inhale. It helps.

Lipgloss – Dior Addict Lip Glow Color Revier Balm. This is the only lip stuff in my life I have ever finished a tube of. And then promptly bought a new one. It’s worth the price point, and take that for someone who searches for sales and refuses to pay retail. It adjusts to your natural lip color so you don’t look ridiculous and is also SO MOISTURIZING. Cold weather is upon us muffins, take care of your lippies. Plus, it’s soooo pretty. Look at it.

 
And there you have it. Long story short: spoil and take care of yourselves. What’s your favorite way to distract yourself? Let me know, because lord knows we all don’t have enough distractions.
 
*OK OK OK – two weeks in a row probably doesn’t count for regularly scheduled, but roll with me here.

Unpopular opinion: I hate the fall

Now, I love boots and sweaters just as much as any basic bitch (remember that before you crucify me).  But the season itself? I can do without. So. Before you make me turn in my basic white girl card, hear me out.

You never really know what to wear.

It’s freezing in the morning, and by the time noon hits your clothes are drenched with sweat and you look like a drowned rat. Does this actually sound like fun to anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Didn’t think so. Mother Nature is too indecisive for me to enjoy this season. 

PSL/pumpkin spice everything is over rated. 

There. I said it. If you actually like PSL, you’re a liar. That sugary concoction is also a lie, as it contains no trace of real pumpkin. It’s a bunch of chemicals and it tastes like popurri. Not to mention, the pumpkin spice craze has gone TOO FAR when there’s PSL scented body wash. Too. Far.

Fall means summer is over. 

DO YOU ALL HATE THE BEACH AND SUNSHINE SO MUCH THAT YOU HAVE TO RUSH THROUGH IT FOR MEDICORE WEATHER?! Also it gets dark earlier. What is wrong with you people?!

Leaves are crunchy until it rains…

And then they become soggy and gross and slippery. Ever wipe out on some wet leaves? It’s more embarrassing than you think. Trust me.

Apple picking. 

You go and you leave with three bags of apples because you’re all excited about the Instagrams you can post during and the fact that it’s a “fall activity”. But then you’re stuck with three bags of apples. No one can eat that many before they go bad and you get fruit flies.

Fall means winter is coming. 

And no, that’s not a GOT reference (but feel free to leave gratituois pictures of Kit Harington in the comments). If anyone of you have experienced a northeast winter, you understand me. It’s miserable and lasts forever. And for those of you who live in NYC know that no one ever shovels properly and the snow turns into black slush a day later and it’s DISGUSTING.
So. There you have it. Fall is over rated. I really need to move to California.
Xoxo sweet and snarky